Mum is back from Barcelona - hurray!! Its been a hard week for me. Tália has had a common cold yet because of her size and her wheeze, she feels so vulnerable. The skinny outline of her body sometimes sends fear rippling through my body, the rattling chest sounds so loud and ominous. Yet I know deep within that I need to change my specs - I need to see instead of skinny, a girl who at least is eating, instead of fear, I need to trust and surrender to the life force and I am trying, although sometimes I guess we try so hard.... Sometimes, one just needs a positive boost and that came from my parents and family yesterday.
I felt so tired - I guess it was mental exhaustion - trying to channel energy to my girls, maintaining a positive stance - yep I do need to work at it. There are days when you wake up a little down or frightened, usually days when Tali looks floppy and exhausted. However these are the days when I use positive affirmations to try and replace negative thoughts. Sometimes when too tired to train the mind, I find that making sure you are surrounded by positive people, landscapes etc can be extremely uplifting.
Well good news is, my older kids went to play with their cousin at my mother-in-laws and had a ball and mum and Dad came to give me that emotional support. Then in the evening my brother, wife and beloved Indy came too. We had all my immediate family at home - it was my husband's and my anniversary and the energy they all gave me helped me at a difficult time. Warmth and love are so healing.
My daughters also uplifted me - they gave my husband and I a very special anniversary present. Taken from her well-kept savings (which she never spends), my eldest daughter put into a homemade card 20 euros for 'you and Daddy to go out together and enjoy'. My youngest daughter said ' You and Dad need to decide where you want to go, its for you to spend time together'. What made me even happier was that although the money was my eldest daughter's, she said it was from her piggy bank and said it was from the two of them.
We have decided to use the 20 euros towards a family lunch out so that the girls can pay and we can celebrate together, once Tália is better. So the negativity has gone and not surprisingly, Tali looks better - her granny has a healing touch.
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